The Wright brothers

Date: 02 March 2026

I read a review of the book The Wright Brothers by David McCullough, author of 12 major books and winner of two Pulitzer Prizes, which made me want to read the book.

What caught my eye of the review was that the Wright Brothers would have fierce conversations and debates with each other, yet somehow they stayed together as a team to achieve one of the most amazing accomplishments in the 20th century. This interested me because there have been so many times where I either have seen or been involved in fierce ‘debates’ (more on the use of the word ‘debate’ later) with senior colleagues or peers, and I wanted to know how the two brothers managed these situations, and what I can learn from them.

As with any David McCullough books, it is well worth reading. The Wright Brothers story starts from humble beginnings, fighting through trials and tribulations, being resilient in defeat, never diverging from the overall goal and outcome and continuing to stay humble, even after fame and success. 

So what did I learn on how to have fierce debates or conversations, yet continuing to respect each other and stay together as a team? Unfortunately, the book did not really expand on this as it just was who they were. One excerpt from the book is from Charlie Taylor, their first employee at their bicycle shop:

“According to Charlie Taylor, they were never really mad at each other. One morning after one of their ‘hottest’ exchanges, he had only just opened the shop at 7AM as usual when Orville came in saying he “guessed he’d be wrong and that they ought to do it Will’s way.” Shortly after, Wilbur arrived to announce that he had been thinking it over and “perhaps, Orv was right.” The point was, said Charlie, “when they were through … they knew where they were and could go ahead with the job.”

I get the following out of this description

At times, we just need time to process the conversation. During the conversation, we may not be in the right ‘emotional’ state of mind, but time will help us process our and other's views and thoughts. We can always go back to continue the conversation,

Listening. There is just not enough emphasis on the power of listening, and being heard. This is not easy, it takes a lot of work. Two actions that I have done to help me really learn this skill

Don't juggle your prejudices. We all have prejudices. Before forming an opinion, ask yourself if you are juggling your prejudices.

Instead of interrupting the speaker, write your thoughts or questions on a piece of paper so you can remember and ask later. This helps you focus on what is being said, as opposed to trying to remember what you want to say. Sometimes the person you are speaking with needs time to bring together their point or story, so listen first

I also have learned to set the situation and mindset to have a dialogue as opposed to a debate or discussion

Debate - a formal discussion on a particular matter in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward and which usually ends with a vote. In other words, someone has to win

Discussion - the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas … but in a work setting, it is usually a lopsided discussion between a supervisor and subordinate. 

Dialogue - take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem. I just find this word being more well balanced and not to be lopsided.

For your next dialogue, or whatever words you want to use or however you want to describe it, just make sure everyone is listening, especially you if you are viewed as a leader, everyone has a say and you stay focused on the topic at hand (don't go down the wrong rabbit hole)

Here are some other experts fo the book which I found to be Powerful Ideas:

Wilbur - If I were giving a young man advice as to how he might succeed in life, I would say to him, pick out a good father and mother and begin life in Ohio.

Orville - the greatest thing in our favor was growing up in a family where there was always much encouragement to intellectual curiosity

It was not luck that made them fly: it was hard work and common sense: they put their whole heart and soul and all their energy into an idea and they had the faith

Orville & Wilbur - “The best dividend on the labor invested, have invariably come from seeking more knowledge rather than power

Bishop Wright (father) - “We learn much by tribulation, and by adversity our hearts are made better.”

Post an argument, a letter written by Wilbur to Octave Chantue (was a French-American civil engineer and aviation pioneer. He advised and publicized many aviation enthusiasts, including the Wright brothers. At his death, he was hailed as the father of aviation and the initial concepts of the heavier-than-air flying machine) - Plainly wishing the dispute to be resolved, Wilbur closed his note to Chantue on a warmer note. “If anything can be done to straighten matters out to the satisfaction of both you and us, we are not only willing, but anxious to do our parts.

I believe that unless we understand exactly how you felt, and you can understand how we felt, our friendship would tend to grow weaker instead of stronger. Through ignorance or thoughtlessness, each would be touching the other’s sore spots and causing unnecessary pain. We prize to highly the friendship which meant so much in the years of our early struggles to willingly see it worn away by uncorrected misunderstandings, which might be corrected by frank discussions.

Intention

Date: 03 February 2026

As a manager and leader, there will always come a time when a ‘tough’ conversation needs to happen. What a ‘tough’ conversation is will be based on how we each define it, who you are having the conversation with, how much experience one has in having these conversations and of course the situation of the person ‘across the table’. So how do you handle tough conversations?

There is no one method to use, as each conversation is situational; but there is a framework that I have found to be helpful, and that is knowing what your intentions are in having the conversation. 

I have always found it helpful to set my mind frame to understand the intention I want to have  out of the ‘tough’ conversation. In doing this, I find that my intention will guide me in finding the right words to say. The conversation will still be difficult, but taking the time to think through your intentions will make your words honest and help lead you to achieving your intentions.

Depending on the circumstances, it may help to have an experienced person with you to hear your words, see the reaction and help course correct if the words are not matching your intention. The goal is to grow as a leader, and hopefully an empathetic leader. Sometimes to achieve this, it helps to have someone by your side.

The ‘difficult’ conversation also becomes easier if the person receiving the conversation, has been prepared - meaning that they have received meaningful, objective and open (i.e. two way conversation) feedback. The longer you wait, because you think it will go away or become easier, the harder it gets (see video below)

Powerful ideas:

Norms arise out of core beliefs. These norms are deeply embedded within organizations and shape the unconscious, taken-for-granted behaviours that constitute the essence of organizational culture. - Edgar Schein, professor emeritus at MIT

“Choose the harder right, instead of the easier wrong”, West Point Cadet Prayer 

Kara Lawson, Duke University Women’s Basketball coach: Handle Hard Better

Intention

Date: 15 September 2020

Intention: A determination to act in a certain way

One knows when they have a trusting partnership with an individual or a team, when no matter what one says, or ‘how’ it is said, the other knows what the intention is. It takes years to build this trust and it happens through a deep level of communication. When you have this type of relationship, you will see that it is a great way to work together as a team. You learn, you grow, you get feedback, you are motivated, you feel safe and you have great synergy.

You see examples of this synergy in ‘championship’ moments when players come together during difficult, pivotal and emotional times in a game.  You see this with certain player / coach relationships, as the coach tries to get the player to the next level by motivating and pushing them. It works because of the relationship that was built over time, the deep level of communication they practiced and because they each knew that the actions were motivated by good intention. This takes time, so how do you get there quickly?

Start off with having a mindset of knowing the intention of your upcoming action or communication. This will help you find the right way to act and find the right words to say. In the heat of the moment when one makes a mistake or is clearly not coming across in the way they want, pause, explain your intention and start over. As long that as it is a good intention, these moments will make your relationship stronger.

Content vs Style

Date: 06 July 2020

In my post from 31 May, The Smile Behind the Mask, I mentioned I would write about the conscious use of our words and listening with intent. What I meant by this is how we chose to communicate, as in the style, and if we are listening to the content, or are we listening to the style.

I have been involved and seen many conversations where the listener was purely focused on the style of the speaker. Listening this way, has the potential for the listener to miss out on some important content, for example constructive feedback, not having the ability to understand why the speaker may be frustrated, or having clarity, just to name a few.

For the speaker, if you are not ready with the content or if you have a certain style of speaking that can be ‘off putting’, then most likely your listener is not listening.

As usual, I have been on the wrong side of listening and speaking. When I was the listener focused on style, I missed out on the content that was important, meaning the learning. When I was the speaker that focused on style, then I never connected with my listener, which meant I missed out in teaching. Over time, I have learned to not get pulled into the emotion of the conversation but to really focus on the content so I can be an effective listener and speaker.  Because of this, I have learned so much more and I was able to bring the conversation to what the real issue was.

So, what is the right starting point, to listen to the content or to focus on your style? It is really up to you because you need both to have an effective dialogue. The path I have taken as a listener, is to first focus on the content and get this right. As a speaker and to be an effective leader, I know that style can make or break a teaching moment.

We are humans, we are emotional, and we are imperfect; but never let style take away a learning point and be conscious of your style if you want to connect with your audience.

The Smile Behind the Mask

Date: 31 May 2020

As villages, towns, neighborhoods and cities open up, most of us will be learning how to interact and communicate with each other in a new way – with a mask. When one is wearing a mask, one loses a majority of their ability in using their facial expressions to communicate. We do not see the smile, the frown, the laughter and many other facial expressions we use as reaction or as a way to say something. That being said, I have been pleasantly surprised how people are showing their smiles through their masks.

As I ‘re-enter’ the world, I have been fortunate to experience so many simple acts of kindness from the people I have interacted with at stores, professional areas of business and even just walking in town. What has been a real pleasant surprise is the effort people are making to show you their smile using their words. People are saying hi when before they never did. People are asking more about how your day is or how you are, when before there was never the need to do so.

What I hope the use of a mask is forcing us to do, is to be more conscious of the words we are using and to listen with intent. I will have more on this in my next thought-for-the-week. 

I hope this will last as I am enjoying the effort people are making to make sure they are communicating with a smile and me listening to the content and not the emotional facial expression.

Getting in sync

Date: 29 March 2020

I love the Abbott and Costello comedy skit  - Who's on First. If you have not seen it, then you must stop what you are doing and watch it. If you have seen it already, then it never gets old. (For those that are not familiar with the sport of baseball, think of baseball like cricket with players in many positions trying to get the batter out.)

Last week I spoke about Levels of Communication and I mentioned the importance of getting in sync. People who have worked with me would have heard me say, ‘Are we in sync?’ (something I learned from my Bridgewater days). This was done to ensure that what I am communicating is heard and understood in the way I am actually thinking, and vice-versa. There have been so many times when I say ‘go left' but I meant to say ‘go right' or I say go right but it is understood as going left. This happens for many reasons. Sometimes I will speak faster then what I am thinking and miss out on pertinent content. It can also happen because at times we hear what we want to hear or we are not speaking with clarity. Or just simply, we are overwhelmed and it is easy to be out of sync. Bottom line, we all have varied ways of communicating and listening. 

My ‘are we in sync’ question is not to look and change how one communicates or listens, but to ensure that at that moment in time, we are each understood. The more one does this, the more we understand each other, because we are constantly learning how we communicate and listen.

This Abbott and Costello skit shows you in a funny way, some of the conversations I have had where we were just not in sync … enjoy!!

Levels of Communication

Date: 23 March 2020

First of all, I hope everyone who reads this finds themselves, their families, friends and work colleagues safe, healthy and well.

There are so many topics and themes to talk about these days and I find it challenging to determine which topic is best to write about this week, as I have had many interactions that triggered a 'thought for the week’. 

I have decided to write about two particular interactions I had this week. One around having a truly meaningful conversation and the other on how to have some fun and learn new ideas that will help you, your family and your team during these times and potentially innovate new ideas.

Having meaningful conversations 

I had conversation this week with someone about a topic that one would wonder if they will be 'crossing the line' by bringing it up. I even said to the person, please let me know if I am crossing the line. But as I brought up the topic, what followed was a truly meaningful conversation where we both were able to have a real open and truthful dialogue on the topic and we both were appreciative of the time we spent in having this dialogue. Now that the door has opened on the topic, the dialogue will continue to develop and grow as we are now comfortable talking about it.

Why I bring this up is to share something I learned many years ago when I heard Greg Searle a 2012 British Olympian Rower at the age of 40, speak to our executive management team. He spoke about many topics in regards to team building but the one topic that I have kept with me was the topic on Levels of Communication Model (see below). 

When we meet someone for the first time, we will most likely operate at the Ritual or Cliché level. For example it might be about the weather or about our commute. At this level we are really not taking much risk in exposing our true selves, hence we are not building up much trust at this level. As you move up the pyramid or the Level of Communication, you begin exposing more about your true self, your inner beliefs, your opinions and true feelings, and by doing so, you are taking more risk but you are building up critical trust in that relationship. It takes time, a lot of time, and it means respecting each other to effectively move up that pyramid. It also takes events to test the stability of the pyramid. You may think you are operating at a certain level with a certain relationship but are you both in sync on this? Events will test this for you.

The person whom I was having this dialogue with was someone who I was 'moving up the pyramid' with over the years, took the time to really listen, get to really know the person and also respecting the stage of where this person was in their life (that could be age, career or other).

By moving up the pyramid of your Level of Communication, in the short run you are taking risks, it will feel uncomfortable but in the long run and especially when it really matters, you are building trust, true relationships and a team.

Remember, the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is today  Take your time, keep assessing but do not stop building your pyramid until you get to the top. 

Here is a nice TedTalk by Celeste Headlee on 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

Mindmaster

This week I participated in a 1-hour workshop hosted by Barry O’Reilly which he calls Mindmaster.

This workshop has a group of people to focus on a challenge that is top of mind for them, in a virtual, highly interactive and extremely fun way. The mission of the session is to offer your skills, share your problems and walk away with two new behaviors to try for the week ahead, while tackling your current challenge(s). We defined problems, articulated outcomes we would like see, solutionized and committed to implementing two new activities or habits based on the workshop - then sharing back what worked, did not and how we go forward. 

The group I was with had never interacted with each other before but we were able to immediately connect and interact in a very open and respectful way. This is a great activity for your team to try out, your family or just yourself. I then did this workshop with my sons with the topic being. 'how do we stay active during these time and how do we connect on a daily basis'. The outcome from our session was that I have committed to play FIFA with them (I am starting from scratch) and we began a push up contest!!

If you want more details, follow the Mastermind link or contact me through my thought-for-the-week website if you want to understand how it can apply to your team now.